The Demon

 The demon has awaken, again,

For worst.

The demon slowly eats her up,

Leaving her with nothing but darkness.

The demon came stronger than ever.

Some days she can live her life with a little laughter, 

Nowadays every steps she take, on her every breath,

There are guilts, 

There are fears,

There are anxieties.

Any wrong words that she heards or sees,

The demon would fill up with those guilts, fears, and anxieties.

Any wrong words that she heards or sees,

She would take it to her heart badly.

Any wrong words that she heards or sees,

She would break down to tears.

Until she lost her breath,

because her heart is in so much pain.

Like there is a thorn grows inside her,

Like there is a knives stabs her mutiple times,

Like the demon itself now live inside her.

The demon is now here, again.

Coming back stronger than ever.

Overpowering her.

For now, she let the demon wins,

Yet she haven't lost herself completely. 

This And That

Here goes things about me that I can't (or afraid to) say (or admit) loudly, so these cards read it for me.

In general you're very guarded and somehow afraid to take a step forward.
The card on the up left says you're very calculating. (true)

The card on the up right says you somehow don't wan to leave your childhood behind. (sure I am, deep down I hate 'adult', me and 'adult' didn't sync in my world)

At the same time, you actually knows what you should be actually doing without someone telling you. (Queen of Swords) (well, the reality, the irony)

And you are actually very hopeful. (Star) (.....yes, indeed)

Try to see everything in a different perspective (Hanged Man) and try to find balance between not changing of who you are, while also better yourself (2 of coins, down right) (true, that's why I put the guard up, I don't wanna change, it scares me)

There are bad habits and negative thoughts that is being an obstacle to your career for sure (Devil) and you need it to leave it behind in order to move forward. (the next card on the right) (at this point, my heart ache so BAD)

I get a feeling you are somehow for reasons unknown, scared of it? (5 of swords) (OUCH)

Just keep in mind that emotional support is always present in friend of family or friends. (Page of Cups) (I do have people that care for me, and I am very much thankful of them. But lately I've been building these walls around me, because I am in so much pain and don't wanna those people affected by me, they have their own life. I know that's bad. But hey, this is my self defense? So if one day I go down, I'll go down alone)

Anyway, the keywords for this case are Solidarity, Commitment and Listening.

In the end of the day, if someone ask me,

"How are you?"

Will definitely say,

"Not okay, but still alive."





Hope everyone out there having a better life than mine, cheers.
Nach.