What is Friend(s)?

It was a super random Tuesday afternoon, when I saw that post on Line which one of my best friend liked.

It's about, 

"Friends can break your heart too."

As I read all the things in it. it was like........ oh? I am so related to this.

Not long after that I sent a message to this best friend, saying that I really wanted to liked that post too, because lately I feels really related to it.

Then here goes our emotional conversation.

 "Is it the part of growing up, you started to lose some people that you call 'friend' or even 'best friend' "

Well I do know that as we grown up, they'll meet new friends, maybe cooler than me, more fun to hang out with than me, maybe more clicked to them than me. I know it all along. But hey, are they really have no time, or just a few seconds, to drop a simple message asking how're ya doing? 

Maybe they're too distracted by their own life now.

Maybe I'm not fun to hang out with anymore.

Or maybe I'm not on their priority list anymore, that I'm not even crossed on their mind.

I am a thin air for them.

Not important enough to remember, not important enough to checking am I okay or not.

Although some of them know my stories,

Although some of them know what difficulties I am facing,

Although I always started the conversation.

Although I always tried to see them.

Maybe if I'm ranting about this to them, they'll saiy "Don't be a baby.", "You're getting to emotional.".

So what if I am a baby?

So what if I am being emotional?

What if all I want is a friend to make sure I am okay, to remind me it'll be okay, to hear my cries, to comfort me.

At time like this, all I want is just disappear.

Meet Inner Me

Everybody have their own inner self, their true self, which maybe a little different with how they show it to other people.

In my case, my inner self (and I'm still learning myself up until now, literally) I think is not that different from what I shows myself to the others. I am a childish one, an introvert, I am shy, I prefer a quiet place than being in the middle of the crowds, I am more like a coffee person than tea person, and I do love my friends, whether they're close or not (but apparently I'm not important enough for some people that I proudly call them 'good friends' for them to drop a single birthday message to me, well that's okay, maybe not)

Nowadays I basically do nothing but being in home, doing everything what I can do while talking to the inner me in my head. Yes, I do talk to myself, in my head (or sometimes I mumbling out). Here's some question that I ask myself, daily:

"What do you want to do now?"

and

"Are you happy?"

Sometimes I can't answer it myself because? I feels that the environment or place that I'm currently living in is not giving me enough room to what I want to do. Like every-single-thing. I want to live in a place that inspire me. A place that I can enjoy every time I breath. But currently I just can't get out of this place and searching for a place where I truly belong. So here I am, still stuck in the same old hole, figuring out how can and crawl out and happily enjoying every single seconds in my life, because all I want to do is going out there, somewhere, and I want to be happy. Genuinely happy. Without this unsolved problems, unanswered questions. 

Another thing.

I somehow a tiny bit irritated nowadays with people who keep asking did I applied a job or not? Here's the thing. I do want to get a job. But, I want to do it if I think it's really what I want, not because my family or other people asked me to do it, because I'm the one who gonna work all of it. You see, I can be a quiet stubborn person. I don't really like too much tension in my work, it's not that I can't handle it, it's just I don't like it if people give me too much pressure. Others says "Nah it's okay to experiencing it so that you can learn from it." well, hello? I experienced it enough, that's why I can say that I'm not a fan of working under pressure, and that doesn't mean I can't work under that circumstance. Then others says "If you adamant about that way of thinking then you should work by yourself." and hello again? That's why here I am still trying to figuring things out? so that I can be happy, without depending others. 

Truthfully, I still have a lot of things on my mind, which I often talking this and that to myself. But yea, probably this are the things that occupying my minds for the past few months.

As I always said to every wishes to everyone, "semoga selalu diberi kebahagiaan" "hope you'll get a lot of happiness", so I'm wishing the same wish to you whoever read this, 

"You can drown yourself with everything; money, fame, or love, but don't forget to be happy. To make yourself genuinely happy."

And for my dear little self, whatever it is, whatever people say, for how much tears you wasted enough, I believe, somehow, someday, I'll make myself genuinely happy. Happy 22th birthday.

University Stories: Closed

Well hello......

It's been a week, or two three four? since I'm officially got my Bachelor of Humanities degree, and also officially jobless. Yeah. So what did I do nowadays? basically nothing but being a maid at home, not that I'm complaining tho, but sometimes yeah. But, that's not I wanna talk about in this post. This time I want to recall all my University memories, and of course, the people that I treasures.

At first, being accepted in the most prestigious Uni is a big honor, really, but you also carry this unseen burden in your heart when everything gets really difficult. Your lecturers in your major demand you a high standard for basically everything. But when I look at my friends in different major they looks..... happy? well maybe not that happy but surely happier than I am.

I remember it clearly, it was my second year in Uni when I felt like......"No, I can't do this anymore." Yes I'm really in the edge of giving up, but then my friends always remind me to take it slowly and I can do this, that they will help me, that they also struggling, that WE will get off this together. And yes you can see, we finally made it out, through our laugh and cries, our sleepless nights.

Here I learned a lot about the value of friends. How we supported each others, reminding each other to study hard, to eat, to not forget how hard you studied you also need some rest.
I dedicated this post to you all, whom made my University life so lively, whom stay with me no matter how crybaby, how childish, how..... well you guys knows how I am.

Dear my momma chick and my super priti princess potato, thank you for being a super fun and supportive 'Kosan' companion. I remember how we will always go to Mandu's place to study 听力 with our 'Buku Sakti', ordering pizzas and stuffs. Stays in your place when it's too hot because me and momma chick doesn't have an Air Conditioner in our room, and many more. And there's many more memories which I can't mention one by one :") AND my super momma chick, you're basically my life safer, my guardian, my second mom that always remind me to eat, to study, and pull me out to eat again. My final papers wouldn't be started early if you don't force me to stay in Kosan when we're still in holiday and you bribe me with milk tea if I accompany you. Your bribe leads me to my graduation lol, you're really my personal adviser slash supporter since you know all my stories, always listen & give me lots and lots encouragement, and even cry with me :')
You both always have my blessing every steps you take guys.

 The rest of my kosan mates, minus le momma chick. I think we're too distracted to get a proper picture on our graduation day, so yeah this is the recent picture of us.

But the four of us get to take this one since Thara's graduation ceremony is on a different day from us. And now she's currently got a scholarship in Shanghai huhu. I miss chu, Thar.

My kosan mates are my study companion, eat companion, hangout buddies, and a lot more. I'll miss our random talks, gibah-ing, random mcd or kfc delivery at night, or even escaping from kosan at 9PM if Siti bring her car over and tell the security that we're going to come back late bcs we're gonna visit a sick friend, but the truth is we're going to Mc Donald's and stay there until 1 AM. We're sorry not sorry, sir.

 Another life saver, my super lovely Unyil, lol no her name is Oxye and yes we call each other Unyil since we're both small. She's just like momma chick, a good listener and adviser, and you can't even imagine how strong is she, mentally I mean. I don't have a picture with only the two of us either in our grads since it was REALLY hectic. But luckily I came to her thesis defense before and yeah, my super lovely Unyil did her best! I believe she's happily strolling around Beijing right now since she got a scholarship there, enjoy your stay there Nyil, study hard but guess what? you should play more hard, since you're in Beijing! Can't wait to hear you stories, Nyil!

Pardon the bad quality of the picture because????? I don't even know. Here goes my die or die partner. Our friendship starts since the beginning of Uni life, since I still don't have any friends that time well I talked to her because she had EXO's pictures on her notebook's cover so I think we might be clicked. I'm sorry, fangirl mode: on. We ended up really clicked tho, even her personality might be different than mine but???? who cares lol. My dear Tifani, thank you for being my die to die partner, yes we die literally when we know that we didn't passed Chinese Classic 1 class, we're in a different class that time. And we had to try again next year, got a same class, we passed it, made it to Chinese Classic 2, but we're in a different class, but then I used to go study in her class too since my class's lecturer is a super busy bee, and we made it. What a long narration. How many class again that we attended together? from Germany class, Italian class, and many more I think. And thank you for always be there to opened my water bottle since I'm a weakly duckling.

The most sassy award of my Uni life goes to this gurl. She's sassy for a reason tho, but it's just a joke lol. But really, she's the super smarty one you'll never know until suddenly she won something and another winning and goes to another. Just when did you did such a thing, Suw? you got my respect lol. Oh one day she asked to meet me and gave me a bread that she stick with a baby chick stickers that she made herself, what a random and sweet gift :'D 

Another awesome persons that I met in Uni, dear my Sarce whom her room is only walks away from my room, and whom I currently talk to about fangirl thinggy since we got no job and nothing to do lol. Since we made it to the end, we should take things slowly, Sar :') as what Mandu always told me, take your time to find a nice and good job so that we enjoy it every time we do it. So...... it's okay, Sar, we're in the same boat (now we go back to our laptops and watch Criminal Minds). And to the other person ......... deuh Kak Gadai lagi. wkwkwkwk. one of my seniors that I'm comfortable with. I believe sooner or later you'll read this Kak, and if you read, just.... keep quiet and don't even tell me that you already read this WKWKWKWKW. What should I tell about her then.... well she's cool (es batu kalik), she's nice.... but not that nice if I talk about my precious Kim Jongin to her. Even I kind of her if she talks about Blackpink :( just why? well she's the typical of receh but well sometimes its funny I couldn't blame. So yeah she's patient enough tho to befriend with me since I nags so much and a super baby that want this and that, thank you Kak! Hopefully we got that scholarship next year and pokoknya ke Tibet ya pas liburan! 

And there are a lot more people that helped me the past 4 years, and I can't mention them and their kindness one by one. Like I always say, I am really, really nothing without you and your help guys. You guys really means A LOT!

And here goes few more pictures from graduation day!

Love,

Nach.

Being Insecure

I am one kind of hella emotionally kid.

And here comes the time where I'm being emotional over................. nothing? Well actually I'm still not sure what I'm keeping up lately.

Maybe it's just because I'm on my super free time, when everyday is holiday, until I find out what I'm suppose to do.

"Just try whatever, everything.", sounds easy as they said that.

But the truth is, I'm the most picky person. Somehow, I choose being happy rather than money. But the sad truth, money also makes happiness. So?

What I really want, of course, traveling far away, far from everything I knew, out of comfort zone. But, I need money to make it happen tho.








Currently trying to fight over something.
And waiting for my graduation day.
Yay.



Love, Nach

Airport Hellos and Goodbyes

Another random facts about me, I like being on the airport. I don't really know why though?

But I know one of the reasons is because I used to go airport pretty often back then, to fetched my families whom live aboard. I'll get excited with the thought of meeting my cousins, and of course, the souvenirs that they brought for me.

Meeting them after years not seeing each other, all the hugs, all the smiles, our "Omg it's been a long time since we saw each other.", was my favorite hellos. 

And it was earlier this year I felt that kind of hellos.

Since there's a hello, there will be a goodbye.

I went to the airport to bid a goodbye to my Mami & Papi (what I called my aunt and uncle) two days ago.

But my saddest goodbye was like.............. years ago? When I'm in 4th grade if I'm not mistaken. Back then my Mami & Papi will be going to Germany (Papi is a Diplomat, that's why they travel lot), and of course their kid, my favorite cousin should go with them too. I remember I cried a lot after they walked inside.

Being in the airport, many people had a different feelings when they go there. Happiness, that they will meet their loved ones again, or sadness, that they will send their loved ones far away.

So, until my next trip to the airport, will it be a hellos or another goodbyes?

Oh It's 2017 Already

Well yeah, it's 2017 already, in the end of April to be exact.
Nowadays I just enjoying (what) my last term as a university student. Finally, after those miserable days in the past..... I'm gonna make it. Besides enjoying the so-called-last-days, I also distracted (but not really) by the final papers, well you know you should submit a paper, like a minithesis or journal. I choose a journal of course, it's not as complicated as a minithesis. I already finished the analysis though, but still waiting for my professor to check on it. If I'm not mistaken, this papers should be done in the end of May, YES IT'S NEXT MONTH.
But then, the next question is, which I keep asking myself over and over again, what I'm gonna do after graduation? Like seriously, I don't even have a plan. what a life. lol.
Some of my friends are applying a scholarship to learn Chinese language in China. At first, I'm pretty interested too, and have a plan to apply the one in Taiwan, bcs my friends think that Taiwan use a traditional Chinese characters, they kinda want to avoid that since it's REALLY difficult. But yeah, some things happened, and I ended up not applying. But then again, I think all over again, did I really want to? or just following my friend's choices? or following what's in my path since this is what I learn so far? or what? I don't really understand myself.
If you ask me now, what I really WANT after graduation maybe a trip. Somewhere near or far, but I prefer it to be far. How long? As I want to go, no matter how long it is. What for? What's the purpose? To find my true self. I want to write something a long the journey, I want to paint all the beautiful things that I find on the way, I want to .... meet new people? well I know that I'm an introvert kind of person, but somehow I get excited to meet new people, in a new place, with a different colors of culture. Finding a place where I truly love and belong.