Confused Heart, Confused Mind.

What a nice words for my current lock screen.

Because I felt so bad the past few days, or week.

The thing is, accepted in nation's favorite university means you should accepted all the consequences.

You should accept it if you have less time to rest. Home works, assignments, many of it.

Especially if you're a literature student.

Especially if you're learning another language.

Especially if that language used some funny yet creepy characters that if you don't learn it, you can't read it.

Especially if you're majoring Chinese.

I cried, a lot, all the time? It's just first 2 weeks and I already feels "i can't do this anymore."

But the pride, this university pride is also my pride.

My mother and father said, just go with it. The result is not a problem, passes or not.

They said I'm already grown up, big enough to choose wisely.

But the question is, am I mature enough? No.

I'm all mommy and daddy 's little girl.

You may laugh but I don't care, I still believing that one day Peter Pan will take me out all of the troubles and stay young in Never Land.

But I knows too, that it'll never happen.

So, is it the time to forget all the childhood things that I grew up with?

Is it the time for me to be the Peter Pan itself that grown up and starts to facing reality with its problem?

失败是成功之母

Just started my first week in third term.

It was hard...... all the things getting hard.

The past two days I cried because of Chinese Language 3, you don't need to ask how hard it is. Pretty much seniors left behind in this class, and that makes me scared. But I need to try, I can't give up, yet.

In this term I know I'll waste so much tears. But at least, I try.

"Masuk Sastra Cina itu gampang. Ngejalanin dan lulus dengan gelarnya yang susah.", That's what they often said.

"Yang masuk satu angkatan bisa 50-60 orang, tapi yang lulus bisa jadi cuma 20an."

Dear Allah, let me be the lucky one.

再见，我们的爱朋友。

Friday, 22 August 2014.

We bid our goodbye to our lovely one.

A short night, short laugh, and another short stories.

Everything is fine until the time she should leave.

A group hug.

A teary group hug.

We don't know when we'll meet again in person.

We bid our last goodbye with a smile on our faces (after the short cries).

We know she'll do good.

Take care, Mirza.

Our loves follows you to Rhede.

Someday in August

Someday in August, I realizes.
It's not all about rainbows and miracle.
It's about heartbreak,
survival,
and getting stronger.
Someday in August, I didn't regret.
I didn't regret loving him.
I looks at it as a form of a gift.
Someday in August, I thank God.
For sent him into my life.
Even if he didn't love me the way I loves him,
I'm thankful for the fact that I knows him.
Someday in August, I closed my eyes then I cried.
Knowing this is a part of gift that I have to let go,
when it wasn't even mine at the first place.
Him.

Small Girls, Big Dreams

L - R: Mia, Me, Lala, Ayu, Mirza.

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny, and a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over. - Octavia Butler

See the happy faces? That's me and my girls, call us Chikiball or Chiks. We're not a gang or whatever like that, we're just petite girls that met in our second year in High School, yep we're all classmates. 

We may looks tiny, fragile, easily broken or whatever. But don't ever think that way. They're the strongest girls I've ever met. Don't look down on us because we may step farther than you guys! hehehehe amen.

 First of all, my very first friend in High School. No one from my Junior High come to my High School besides me, so I'm totally a.l.o.n.e and it wasn't a good starts really. But this sweet-and-smaller-than-me came to me all kindly and friendly and ask me to be her seatmates and that's the beginning of our friendship. She's my partner in The Lord of The Ring and Taylor Swift thinggy, we both hate math and likes english better, we took deutsch and france course together, trying to explore another language, our passion. Now she's majoring English Literature in Univesity of Jakarta. And by the way, she's my seatmate for 3 years :')

My mbul, she's my mbul. My London and europe partner. She likes basketball and stuff like that. She and her twins is the coolest girls, ever. She did things what she think, if it's going to be rude then let it be, so brave yet so lovely if you really close to her. Even tho' her college is far away from me, she still came all the way to my house last year to gave me a surprise on my birthday, and of course I cried. How sweet is that? :') She's majoring Communication in Brawijaya University.

Our Rihanna! hehehe. She's cute, sweet, adorable, and smart in deutsch! Her A1 test is the highest that time and she got a chance to went to summer course in Germany! She's "idaman para bule" kind of girl, so Indonesian and sweet. Majoring Russian in Padjajaran University but she'll be leaving for Germany really soon for good, because actually her dream is not in here, It's out there, waiting for her. So proud of you Ja :') another step closer to your dreams, keep chasing it!

The last, our little sissy, sister from another mother, my partner in crime, my enemy, my all time chingu. She may looks all pretty and innocent BUT yes I'm using capslock to type 'but' because she's really far from that!!!!! muahaha!!! really she's like another me? but even worse wkwkwkwk just kidding Mi! She's actually really smart, but Allah really loves her so Allah wants her to fight more harder to go to college, and now what a good news I got yesterday, she's accepted in University of Jakarta majoring Indonesian Literature! Congrats sissy! this is the beginning of all your dreams, Allah loves you me loves you!

As I said, this is just the beginning of all our dreams. Slowly we approaching it, but sure. Mirza just took another big step for hers, Mia just arrived in the starts line, me, Lala and Ayu still walking happily. Who says that we're just bunch of kids that only having fun? Yes of course we want to have fun, but we know the reality that this world is hard, we need to survive no matter what with our skills.

Later in the future, we still can meet up again happily, ready to face the world, and then................... have another fun!

请我介绍一下我们班同学

Since it's nearly the end of second term, my first year in college, I'll describe my classmates. Since I felt more comfertable with Chinese Language 2 class than the previous one, I'll introduce ya' my fave classmates this far.
The first is Tifani, no, not Tifani SNSD ok. Tapi emang sering terlihat mengenakan t-shirt SNSD sih ya sudahlah. Deket dari awal maba pas mau OKK gara-gara binder doi covernya anak-anak EXO wakakak trs yodah deh nanya nanya blablabla. Tampang asli Cina sekali tapi ternyata hanya casingnya saja yang Cina :( pinter sih cepat menghafal terus rame, eh rusuh lebih tepatnya, dan suka duduk ala tukang becak.
Now we have Kak Isel. Sekelas dari awal BC1, kakak satu ini angkatan 2012 dan ternyata oh ternyata satu sekolah sama Meyo :o jadi nyambung deh kalo cerita ini itu suka punya bahan gosipan juga hihihi. Suka pulang bareng juga karena se arah kan naik kereta.
And then Tania, anak rantau dari Bekasi juga. Keliatannya kalem tapi ya....... gak gimana gimana kok Tan wkwkwk, baik banget anaknya lucu pula terus suka minta rekomendasi drama drama korea yang bagus apa, aku kasih tau film ini itu kata orang sih bagus Tan tapi gatau deh aku sendiri gak nonton hehe.
Si ketua kelas Deasy, awalnya bukan Deasy ketu nya tapi sehubungan dengan kepergian Salim dari Sastra Cina terpaksa Deasy menggantikan posisi ketu :( diam diam ternyata alumni 81 w0w banget ya Deci. Suka kucing sama kaya aku huwhuwhuw pokoknya kalo sama Deasy gak ada hari tanpa ngomongin kucing sampe ada yang bilang "Kalo ketemu ngomongin pacar kek, eh ini ngomongin kucing...."
Thara, teman seperjuangan cookie-run! Pokoknya kata Thara kalo Dina jadi calon ketua IMSI nanti Thara wakilnya, kita kampanye menggunakan cookie-run. Oke. Lupakan.
Gaby, si Korea - Jambi. Anak rantau dari Jambi ini Korea banget deh heran :') selalu cantek apa sajo yang dikenakannyo :') superbaik pula, superseru juga. Katanya Gaby sudah lelah di Sastra Cina, katanya mau keluar huhuhuhuhuhuhu Gaby :"( mungkin Gaby hanya 想家, jangan pergi Gaby :"(
Adenn, iya kata Adenn namanya double 'n'. Pinter banget. Banget. Speakingnya bagus, hafal hanzi hanzi canggih, pokoknya pinter banget. Sekali lagi, pake banget :')
Kak Cindi, kakak cantique ini angkatan 2011. Cantik kek Cina tapi gak se Cina Tifani. Baik hati, ramah tamah dan tak sombong huhu. Suka random nih kalo kita ciwei ciwei lagi ngegosip, it's okay kak.
Kak Indah, ini tipe-tipe anak hitz Jakarta banget, angkatan 2012  juga kayak kak Isel. Cantique tapi tipe cantique anak gawl gitu, beda sama kak Cindi cantique yang kalem wkwkwk.
The last is Kak Aji. Siapa pula maba 2013 yang tak kenal ketua Jendral Ajimas Senopati ini? :( satu-satunya lelaki yang tersisa di kelas ini. Pas awal liat daftar nama kelas BC2 liat nama kakak itu langsung 'deg'....... Ibu aku takut sama kakak itu :"( tapi lama-lama doi suka random kocak gitu wakakakak peace kak jangan cari saya. Pas kemaren ditanyain laoshi "Kalian mau istirahat gak?" kita ciwei ciwei pada diem keknya males istirahat biar langsung pulang tapi o tapi si kakak ini dengan memelas "Mau laoshi..." oke spontan membuat tertawa banget yakan. Terus kalo lagi hafalan di ruang prodi pasti dia duluan terus begitu selesai langsung cau dadah dadah bahagia sama yang tersisa untuk hafalan.
That's my superb class! Semoga semua lulus BC2 ya, Amin! Pokoknya apa pun hasilnya kita jangan patah semangat because failure is a way to the top!
luvs, anak bungsu BC2 class B!

劝善惩恶

I wanna speak up about Kris's rumor. It's better I shared on my blog than spamming your twitter's timeline right? Well, call me a new fans of kpop world, but I know 'til how far I should fan girling over them. I'm not that kind of fans that talking about my biases all the time, no. And I know where should I talks about them, means not always talking out loud in public and such as that, no.
Back to the topic. Like all of you guys, I don't know too why is Kris decided to out of the group. Yes, I feels sad somehow, like so so sad. Bcs this group called EXO is so catching my eyes that become my motivator to learn Chinese as I said before so that I can talk to Lu ge, but since my Chinese will turn kinda bad so I think I can talk more easily with this chinese-canadian man, but why is he out in this kind of situation? when EXO just a step more to the top? I haven't seen them 12 with my own eyes yet, but I believe I'll see them soon, but then this rumor came out. There's no official statement yet, but some hint already showed, but still not sure, right?
For me, in one side, it's ok if Kris decided to out of the group. I know it's hard to be an idol. Especially with in that well known company. He's just a normal man after all, he can breakdown when he's already tired enough, he already done much things anyway, must be wasting his free-life, his youth time, I pity him somehow. We just can support what he decided on. Don't force him like hey comeback Kris we need you, EXO need you, there's no EXO without you, no please. Well, maybe you're all disapointed, but don't you ever think about his feeling? He maybe already tired and wanna go home, he's been away from home too long. Maybe this is not his real dream. Just let him go, let him follow his will, and let's meet him again in the future with he's all smiling, nothing to regret.
On the other side, maybe he left without saying words to other members. He left them all without answering their questions. Maybe he's not talking about all his problems and all, he don't want to tell them because he afraid it'll become a burden to all of them, esp the maknaes, they're must be very emotional. It's sad. Everyone must be sad right now. Kris, EXO, and the fans.
And dear EXO fans, don't be such a.................. ? don't cry over things like this. Don't you have a life to cried on? the real life. That is Kris life, let him choose what's better for him, now how about yours? Don't messed it up for things like this. We're just fans, can do nothing but waiting and watching, right? :)
No, I'm not siding anyone or being ignorant, no. I like EXO, everyone of them. I support EXO and I support Kris. And how will be it turn in the end, I respect them and still lovin' them. EXO saranghaja©!